Warning!: May Contain Nuts! absolutely the first definitive review of the incompetent, inadvertent and occasionally illegal world of business in the new Millenium.

Introduction vii

1 The Emerald Tiger and Dame Edna 1

2 Mediocre, Sad and Cheating: The Ascent of Man 8

3 How Many Tears ... 12

4 Reflections from Tibet 16

5 Wisdom from the Little Red (Business) Book 21

6 Viva El Gato 25

7 The Return of El Gato 29

8 Zero Tolerance? Make My Day … 33

9 An Apple a Day … 37

10 Have it Your Way … 41

11 Yes, We Have No Bananas 45

12 What News from the Rialto? 49

13 Jury’s Still Out 53

14 Bill and Me – Such Good Losers 57

15 Midsummer Night Dreams 61

16 Listen Carefully: I Will Say This Only Once 65

17 Be Like Mike … 69

18 I’m Dreaming of a … Green Ketchup? 73

19 Lessons from the Golf Pro 77

20 Learning the Hard Way 81

21 When Dilbert was Funny 85

22 Champagne First, Please 89

23 All That Useless Beauty 93

24 Lights Out, Please 97

25 Amazingly Graceless 101

26 R U there? This is 4 U 105

27 Loaves and Fishes 109

28 Hello AOL, Goodbye Oldsmobile 113

29 Dr Who? 118

30 Only When I Laugh 123

31 More Stuff, Less Choice 127

32 Remedies for the ‘Ohno Moment’ 131

33 The Last Post (Office) 135

34 The Benefits of S.E.A.L. 139

35 The Changing Face of Giants 144

36 No Wonder We Are Living Longer 148

37 Rebel Without a Cause 152

38 ‘I Say, Would You Mind Awfully …’ 156

39 Don’t Read This Before Your Chicken Soup 160

40 It’s Life, Jim – But Not As We Know It 164

41 People are Our Greatest Asset (and Other Corporate Lies) 168

42 And So it Came to Pass … Oh No it Didn’t … 172

43 Danger! Genius at Work 176

44 That Was The Week That Was 180

45 Go On, Surprise Me – Make My Day 184

46 The Defense Speaks 188

47 Across the Great Divide 193

48 And Now for Something Completely Different 198

Index 203