Socially ADDept: Teaching Social Skills to Children with ADHD, LD, and Asperger's, Revised Edition

About This Book v

About the Author vii

Acknowledgments ix

Introduction 1

Part I: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know

Chapter 1: Why Children with Special Needs Struggle Socially 7

Why Teach Social Skills? 7

Language Difficulties and the Hidden Rules of Conversation 9

Difficulty Recognizing and Labeling Feelings 10

Poor Problem-Solving Skills 10

Failure to Mimic Behavior 12

How Children Deal with ‘‘Different” Behavior 12

Why Train Preadolescent Children? 12

Two Major Weaknesses That Lead to Social Mistakes 13

Black-or-White Thinking 15

Teaching Children with SN the Behaviors of Popular Children 15

The Importance of Early Intervention 16

Teaching Joint Attention 16

Two Major Deficits 16

Ten Essential Skills for Being Socially ADDept 19

Notes 22

Chapter 2: Tips for Communicating with Children 25

Coaching Children on Desirable Behaviors 27

Role-Playing the Right Way Versus the Wrong Way 28

Empathy: Being in the Other Person’s Shoes 28

Using Humor 29

Observing and Dealing with Perseveration 29

Recess 30

Monitoring Play 30

Using Opportunistic Reinforcement 31

Chapter 3: Setting Individual Goals and Giving Structured Feedback 33

Building Skills Teaches Resiliency 33

Helping Children Set Their Goals 34

Creating an Individual Program for Each Child 35

Using the Self-Evaluation Forms 36

Using the Self-Evaluation Form to Confirm Joint Perception 37

The Parent’s Role as Facilitator 38

The Teacher’s Role as Facilitator 39

Parents and Teachers Working Together 39

Rewarding Progress 39

Correcting Omissions or Inappropriate Behaviors 40

Self-Evaluation Form: Listening 41

Self-Evaluation Form: Showing Interest 42

Self-Evaluation Form: Paying Attention to Stop Signs 43

Self-Evaluation Form: Controlling Talking Too Much 44

Self-Evaluation Form: Being a Good Host 45

Charting Negative Behavior 46

Charting Positive Behavior 46

Notes 48

Chapter 4: Ways Parents Can Help 49

Helping Your Child Find and Excel in an Activity 49

Preparing for Social Situations 50

Using Discipline During a Play Date 51

Preparing Children for New Situations 52

Teaching Manners 52

Building Physical Coordination 53

Helping Children Learn About Time 53

Using Humor Appropriately 54

Finding a Social Skills Group 54

Meeting Other Parents 55

Getting Help for Yourself 55

Part II: The Socially ADDept Lessons

Lesson One: Friendship Skills and Setting Goals 59

1.1 What Makes a Friend? 59

1.2 What Do Friendly People Do? 60

1.3 Ten Friendship Skills 60

1.4 Defining Personal Goals 61

1.5 Defining Positive Qualities 61

1.6 Identifying Children’s Special Interests 64

Exercise 1: What Do Friendly People Do? 65

Exercise 2: Defining My Personal Goals 66

Exercise 3: Tooting Your Own Horn 67

Exercise 4: Private or Public Talk? 68

Exercise 5: Identify Your Interests 69

Exercise 6: Friendship Cards: Keep a Record of Facts About Your Friends 70

Exercise 7: Good Host Rules 71

Exercise 8: Finding Neighborhood Activities: The Parent’s Job 72

Lesson Two: Being a Good Listener and Other Conversational Skills 74

2.1 Listening 74

2.2 Listening Mistakes 75

2.3 The Body Language of Listening 76

2.4 Elements of a Good Conversation: Listening and Responding 77

2.5 Different Types of Questions 78

2.6 Other Kinds of Responses 79

2.7 How to Deal with Perseveration 79

2.8 Arranging a STOP Sign 81

Exercise 9: Listening Facts 83

Exercise 10: Eye Contact 84

Exercise 11: It’s Those Eyes! 85

Exercise 12: Stopping When Asked 86

Lesson Three: Verbal Conversational Skills 87

3.1 Greetings 87

3.2 Conversation Openers: Small Talk 88

3.3 The Middle of the Conversation: Asking Questions and Making Comments 90

3.4 Other Ways to Continue a Conversation 92

3.5 Exiting a Conversation 92

3.6 Conversation Mistakes 93

3.7 The Four Kinds of Friendship and When to Share Feelings 94

3.8 Off-Limits Topics 95

Exercise 13: Sharing the Airtime 97

Exercise 14: Listening and Adding to the Story 97

Exercise 15: TV Host 98

Exercise 16: Using the Telephone (for Children at Home) 98

Exercise 17: How Do Boys Greet Each Other at Your School? How Do Girls Greet Each Other? 99

Exercise 18: How Do Children Say Good-Bye to Each Other? 100

Lesson Four: Communicating Feelings Through Body Language 101

4.1 Facial Expressions 102

4.2 It’s Those Eyes 103

4.3 Open or Closed Gestures and Posture 105

4.4 Respecting Personal Space 106

4.5 Touching People 107

4.6 STOP Signs 107

Exercise 19: Facial Expressions 109

Exercise 20: Practice Identifying Feelings in Facial Expressions and Body Language 110

Exercise 21: Body Language 111

Exercise 22: Physical Proximity 112

Lesson Five: Being ‘‘in Sync”—Understanding and Echoing Tone 113

5.1 Using Music to Teach Emotional Harmony 114

5.2 The Tone of Emotions 115

5.3 When the Tone or Body Language Disagrees with the Spoken Words 116

Exercise 23: The Right Tone of Voice 118

Exercise 24: Volume Control 119

Exercise 25: Practice Identifying How Feelings Sound 120

Exercise 26: Copy Cat: Practicing Being in Someone Else’s Shoes 121

Note for Lesson Five 122

Lesson Six: Recognizing Friendly Behavior 123

6.1 Recognizing Friendly Behavior 123

6.2 Review of STOP Signs 124

6.3 Nonverbal STOP Signs 125

6.4 Verbal STOP Signs 126

6.5 Reading STOP Signs 127

6.6 Play Red Light, Green Light 128

6.7 Using Manners to Say STOP 129

Exercise 27: Reading Friendly and Unfriendly Body Language 131

Exercise 28: STOP Signs 132

Exercise 29: Recognizing How Other Children Say Good-Bye 133

Lesson Seven: Joining an Ongoing Group 134

7.1 Joining a Group 135

7.2 Join, Don’t Intrude 135

7.3 Demonstrate the Wrong Way to Join a Group 136

7.4 Demonstrate the Right Way to Join a Group 137

7.5 Inclusion or Exclusion? 139

7.6 Rejection Versus Refusal 139

7.7 Groups and Cliques 141

7.8 When Your Child Cannot Join a Group (for Parents) 143

Exercise 30: Practice Joining an Ongoing Group 144

Exercise 31: Defining the Groups at School 145

Note for Lesson Seven 146

Lesson Eight: Dealing with Teasing 147

8.1 Why Children Tease Others 147

8.2 Three Major Types of Teasing 148

8.3 Why Children Use Status Teasing (or Put-Down Humor) 150

8.4 Boys and Status Teasing 150

8.5 Evaluating the Type of Teasing 151

8.6 The Wrong Way to Handle Teasing 152

8.7 Three Strategies to Handle Teasing 153

8.8 Role-Play Being Teased 154

8.9 When Jokes Aren’t Funny: The Rules of Humor 155

8.10 The Rule of Equals 156

Exercise 32: Figuring Out the Type of Teasing 159

Notes for Lesson Eight 160

Lesson Nine: Managing Anger 161

9.1 Why Do We Get Angry? 161

9.2 Why Should Children Control Their Anger? 162

9.3 The Hot-Tempered Child 163

9.4 Identifying Physical Responses to Anger 163

9.5 Identifying the Child’s Anger Style 163

9.6 Identifying Anger Triggers 164

9.7 Checking Out the Other Person’s Intentions 164

9.8 Handling Anger the Wrong Way 165

9.9 Seven Steps to Process Anger 166

9.10 Role-Play Handling Anger 167

9.11 When There is an Outburst 168

9.12 Apologizing 169

Exercise 33: What Makes You Angry? 170

Exercise 34: Handling Anger Differently 172

Exercise 35: Practice Apologizing 173

Lesson Ten: Children in Cyberspace: Old Rules, New Rules 174

10.1 Cell Phone Etiquette and Rules 175

10.2 Rules About Internet Use 176

10.3 Cyber-Bullying 177

Exercise 36: Watch ‘‘Kids Online” 178

Conclusion: Learning Social Skills is a Lifelong Process 179

Part III: Appendices

Appendix A: What is ADHD? 183

Appendix B: What are Learning Disabilities? 187

Appendix C: What is Asperger’s Syndrome? 191

Bibliography and Resources 195

Index 203