Mean Girls Grown Up: Adult Women Who Are Still Queen Bees, Middle Bees, and Afraid-to-Bees

Acknowledgments ix

Introduction 1

PART ONE Relational Aggression 201: The Who,What, and Why of RA 5

1 All Grown Up and Ready to Sting: Adult Female Aggression 7

2 Why Women Aren’t More Like Men 20

3 Big Bullies and Other Aggressive Types: The Queen Bee 32

4 From Mild to Bad and In Between: The Middle Bee 42

5 Blindsided, Backstabbed, and Bruised: The Afraid-to-Bee 54

6 Weapons of Choice 67

PART TWO Our Own Worst Enemies: Aggression at Work, at Home, and at Play 79

7 Women at Work 81

8 Sharing Space: Ages and Stages of Aggression 97

9 Forced to Be Family: The Good, the Bad, and the Very Ugly of Female In-Laws 108

10 Mrs. Popularity and the Mom Clique 119

11 Relational Aggression Where You Least Expect It 130

PART THREE Recognize, Revise, and Internalize: Changing the RA Way of Life 145

12 Who Are You in the Bee Dynamic?: A Relational Aggression Assessment 147

13 Healing Residual Relation Aggression: Overcoming the Past 162

14 The Power of Forgiveness 172

15 The Won’t Bee 184

16 A New Relational You 197

17 Don’t Stop with Yourself 214

APPENDIX A

Communication That Counts: Connecting through Words 227

APPENDIX B

Talking to Yourself in Ways That Help 231

APPENDIX C

Netiquette Tips 233

APPENDIX D

Mentoring Resources 235

References 237

Index 240